Aryan Awareness Day

I know, I know, Germans aren’t really intolerant Nazis anymore. But seriously, look at this shit and tell me that wasn't the first thing you thought.

"One of the great strengths of the United States is from its diversity! Therefore, I propose we set a day aside to honor the most common variety of white person! Perhaps we can undo the harm done when we set aside calendar dates for squint-eyed chinks that can't even speak English. Do most Americans go around saying 'ching chong ding dong' and eating dog soup? I didn't think so. WHITE PRIDE!"

I mean seriously, what the fuck is up with that last paragraph?

Lay Off the Brown Sugar

The past few weeks or so I’ve been suffering a severe case of the fuck-its, compounded by my inexplicably weird-acting internet connection. Seriously, I’ve been trying to compose this post (links, Photobucket*, just logging into stupid Blogger) and it's taking nearly two and a half hours. I've got work in the morning people! When you factor in existential angst, it’s been hard to see why I should bother. However, after I read a doozy this evening, I decided I had to break my silence.

First, here’s one I missed: a hilariously racist pining for the good ole’ melting pot. A melting pot is fine, Gilbert Millner says, but only as long as the right races are added in the right amounts.

























He’s not racist! In fact, he’s three times as not-racist as your average racism-apologist---not only does he have black friends, but Asian and Hispanic ones too!


Flash forward to today. Peggy Ellis has apparently changed her name to Alberta Anders.






















Oh me oh my, where to start?

How about her belief that nudity and sex automatically equals immoral?

How about the fact that at one point she complains about homosexuality in one show, only to later consider switching from Oprah to Ellen? Ellen. I've never watched Brothers and Sisters, but it must have a whole lot of homosexual content to out-gay a show that’s hosted by an actual out lesbian.

How about the gut-busting phrase “the sex act”? Cripes, I can hear her saying that in my head! She sounds like my fourth grade choir teacher OH GOD I CANNOT UNHEAR IT PLEASE PLEASE SOMEBODY STOP THE HORRIBLE VOICE

*It is 12:45. I've been trying to log into Photobucket for an hour. For some reason it won't allow me to exit read-only mode. So fuck it- I'm not going to waste two more hours slogging through my shit connection making a shit new account on their shit website (despite already having an account there that worked perfectly fine before) to waste another two hours to upload two shit pictures. The shitty Blogger uploader is all we're getting.

OBAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Still busted up. However, this day I couldn't help but be cheery despite missing all the inauguration festivities while languishing in a dreary waiting room all afternoon.



Quote of the day -- "Griffith talks to Republicans like they were dumb by nature, but the deepest thing in our nature is the dumb region of the heart where we vote for our families and our beliefs, not whether a person is black or white." --- Dan Walters, going NUH UH WE ARE NOT RACIST.

Happy New Year!

Ring in the new with this delectably nonsensical offering from Steve Goebel.

"Abortion is illegal, except where it isn't. Those people need to outlaw it because it's illegal, darn it!"

Witness the very picture of circular reasoning. And rambling reasoning. And non-reasoning...reasoning.

Also, you want to see what defensive bitter white people look like? You've probably seen it before, but if you want a refresher, read the comments on this Sunday column here.

"Post-racial" my lily white ass

I'm more reluctant to rain on somebody's flowery Obama-gasm than the vast majority of my state, but still...

Please stop saying that electing Obama means that suddenly we're this magical post-racial society. When racial disparities are eradicated in crime, income, death/abuse/harassment and education levels, I might consider it.

In the meantime, half of my immediate family are stocking up on weapons for fear of "black riots." There's about nine black people in our town. NINE. I think you can only muster a "scuffle" or a "fracas" with nine people. I'd seriously be more worried about them forming a new softball team than a riot.

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Ignoring the inherent "OMG HOMO RIOTS" funniness of this letter, I'm more amused by the fact that he felt the need to clarify the shorthand form of his name. Thanks, man! I honestly would have sprung for "Ya" or "Min" if he hadn't pointed it out.

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That's exactly what MLK Jr. was talking about!

John Cragin is happy because now that there's a black president, white people are truly free.

Thank God almighty, we’re free at last! Yes! So-called “whites” are freed of guilt for the sins of our predecessors.

(that wasn't me being sarcastic, he actually says that.)

Also, judging by the fifth sentence, he's ready for a hermaphrodite black president.

I would much rather it had been another black man or woman or both.

He may be more open-minded then I give him credit for...or, maybe he's just an illiterate doofus.

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Reason is not your forte, my sweet.

Dear Ms. Thomas;

It has come to our attention that, within a published letter critical of Barack HUSSIEN Obama, you postulated that the senator is a funny-named Arab that wants to kill white babies. While we appreciate your campaigning on our behalf, we find that your methods are outdated and not in line with group policy.

We mostly have an issue with your lack of subtlety. You openly state that Obama wants to destroy the white race. We here at The Legion of Idiotic Paranoid Racist Dillweeds find this to be too "on-the-nose", as it were. This repels potential allies from our cause.

We realize that you, like most of our members, have the intelligence of an overripe and very angry little eggplant. Therefore, we have taken the liberty of providing you with some talking points that convey the message without being so bare-assed about it.

*Instead of pointing that his name is Arab, simply insist on including his middle name whenever you address him. If that's too subtle for your intended audience, try emphaisizing his middle name with all caps. Note the example above.

*Try your best to disguise the real reason why you are opposed to family planning. We realize that our main concern is preserving the privileges of the Master Race (along with those of the Master Sex of that race) but racist social Darwinism is frowned upon and reflects poorly on us. Tell yourself and others that you care about BABIES, and nothing but BABIES.

We hope you keep these tips in mind when the time comes to write a letter bemoaning America's new president. Remember, we here at Legion of Idiotic Paranoid Racist Dillweeds appreciate you!

Sincerely,
The Legion of Idiotic Paranoid Racist Dillweeds

Yes, Cindy, Stacy's mom does indeed have it going on.

Yeah, I haven't updated in over two months. Nobody told me that maintaining a blog was haaaaaaaaard.

It wasn't for lack of material. From good ol' Rita to Riley T. to the Douchey Professor (seriously, read his letter, it's one of the douchiest things ever published in the section) to AHHHH VEGGIE PIZZAS!

In the meantime, enjoy this hilarious pearl-clutching column by Cindy Sigler Dagnan. The best part----"I snorted Starbucks up my nose the other day when I caught the gist of a song whose words, I believe, included the phrase, “Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on.” Well. Good for Stacy’s mom. Or is it? "

That one looks Jewish/ And that one’s a coon!/ Who let all this riffraff into the room?

Fri and Sat letters are up, and it looks like Privileged-Americans are fed up! With several things.

First, the Globe tells the tale of the official who referenced the KKK. Dude, the KKK isn’t the way to go. You have to be more subtle, like the much put-upon white folks featured below.



Paul Butler blames the historical illiteracy of America’s youth on multicultural studies. Apparently he has never gone to public school, especially around here. I can attest that we never ventured outside the U.S. unless absolutely necessary. The places where they teach stuff about Asian and African cultures are the places where the kids actually learn history. We basically learned 4th grade US government, and we re-learned it every grade. Of course, around here people are more interested in shooting squirrels with BB guns, so even that didn’t sink in for most of them.

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Richard McClure thinks only straight white Christians should have a voice in a mainstream paper. Those people who point out racism are SO TERRIBLY RACIST, y’know?



Five bucks says that McClure is the kind of guy who sees something like BET or Women’s History Month and goes “How come we mainstream people don't have our own channel/month/newspaper/space? WE ARE SO PERSECUTED OMG REVERSE RACISM IS THE ONLY REAL RACISM PC POLICE EVERYWHERE AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ”

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John Franz thinks everyone besides rich straight whites do not deserve to whine as much as he does.



My favorite part? “…my favorite minority, Caucasians”, which is where John slips up. You’re supposed to present yourself as the one true non-racist, unfairly persecuted by welfare queens and other racial rabble-rousers who discriminate against the noble white man.

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Bill Hawkins puts scare quotes around “gay.” I imagine, like John Franz above, he wants to reclaim it. Have fun with that, you two gay old guys.

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You know, if you abandon logic, you'll find my logic sound.

Apologies for my laziness. Damn work getting in the way of my completely trivial and pointless hobbies!

A while ago, Chris Cook challenged gay marriage opponents to offer an argument that was neither religious nor otherwise idiotic. An impossible task, but they’re trying their best.


Huh, where to start where to start...

The first "point" (more like a rubber stopper) reminds me of Henry Ford, who once said regarding the Model T: "It's available in any color you want, as long as that color is black." Of course, Ford was joking. It wouldn't be the first time that conservatives based their beliefs on things that normal people would consider jokes.

The Anita Bryant thing is just fucking LAZY. Unless Keith lives in a swamp, what's stopping him from firing up Google and looking it up himself?

I love the last paragraph the best. “Ah HA! Watch as I devastate your argument by admitting that my worldview has no basis other than my interpetation of an ancient mythology! Suck on that, fagboy!”

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Meanwhile, I don’t know if this desperation-reeking letter is sad or funny.



On the one hand he’s clearly in a pitiful state of denial, grasping desperatly for straws. On the other hand…he’s clearly in a pitiful state of denial, grasping desperatly for straws. Plus the word “Iraqastan” is gold. I’m going for both sad and funny.

(As an aside, bugs would be a good resource if we ever get into a food crisis. There’s tons of the fuckers and I can attest that many are quite yummy. But I digress.)

WAIT! According to the comments, Mr. Udell was being sarcastic. D’oh! I hate it when that happens. I wonder if that includes the Limbaugh-esque “huh huh all Mooslooms are interchangeable” sentiment.
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Also, from yesterday, this guy knows how to handle the affairs of minorities better than the minorities in question.



HE IS NOT RACIST YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY.

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