Douchey!
Misanthropic!
Oppositeer!
Plagiarizing from Chain Letters!*
OBAMMUNISM!!!11!
*(I find the belief, that "one word commentaries" must be restricted to one word, to be elitist and un-American.)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Blech
I'm down with the sickness (WAH AH AH AH) right now, so I'll be brief.
Ray Downen is a psycho, and it's amusing. Bonus: he writes "pacifiers" instead of "pacifists." I have this mental image of Ghandi with a baby sucking on his head.
Also, the staff wrote about Bald Eagles. Uh oh. $5 says that the comment box will have some pro-lifer type going "WTF YOU CAN'T KILL ENDANGERED BIRDS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES BUT WOMEN CAN KILL THEIR BAYBEEZ WHY IS THAT?!? FUCKING LIBS!!!!" by morning.
EDIT: Sonsabitches totally let me down! They usually bring it up every single fucking time someone mentions the scarcity of Bald Eagles. I probably jinxed it by posting my prediction. "Hey Kaje" probably read it and was all like, "Hey! That, my good sir/ma'am, was my thunder you stole!"
I love Burney's Lament, though. Good one, my anonymous friend. I guess he or she gets my $5.
EDIT AGAIN: I totally forgot these!
Matt Blunt actually did something nice? Whoa! Of course I imagine if he were a Democrat, someone would scream "bwap bwap bwap language police bwap bwap bwap political correctness bwap bwap"- oh wait! Someone did anyway!
Also, did the title of this letter remind anyone else of Can't Hardly Wait? "You are all sheep! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Ray Downen is a psycho, and it's amusing. Bonus: he writes "pacifiers" instead of "pacifists." I have this mental image of Ghandi with a baby sucking on his head.
Also, the staff wrote about Bald Eagles. Uh oh. $5 says that the comment box will have some pro-lifer type going "WTF YOU CAN'T KILL ENDANGERED BIRDS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES BUT WOMEN CAN KILL THEIR BAYBEEZ WHY IS THAT?!? FUCKING LIBS!!!!" by morning.
EDIT: Sonsabitches totally let me down! They usually bring it up every single fucking time someone mentions the scarcity of Bald Eagles. I probably jinxed it by posting my prediction. "Hey Kaje" probably read it and was all like, "Hey! That, my good sir/ma'am, was my thunder you stole!"
I love Burney's Lament, though. Good one, my anonymous friend. I guess he or she gets my $5.
EDIT AGAIN: I totally forgot these!
Matt Blunt actually did something nice? Whoa! Of course I imagine if he were a Democrat, someone would scream "bwap bwap bwap language police bwap bwap bwap political correctness bwap bwap"- oh wait! Someone did anyway!
Also, did the title of this letter remind anyone else of Can't Hardly Wait? "You are all sheep! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
But if feminism sucks, why are you voting for a female politician?
You may have noticed that I've been neglecting election season letters (and every other kind of letter, for that matter, but forget about those for a second). That's because those letters are deluges of repetitive idiocy, the torrents of which erode even my hardy psychological exterior. For my health and sanity (coupled with work and apathy and such) I intended to wait until after Barack HUSSEIN Obama mops the floor with John SIDNEY McCain's stupid balding head to start posting again.
But Karen Clark cannot wait. Her letter is delicious; the kind of letter that spurred me to start this blog in the first place.
I'm so hyped up about it, I'm going to do a running commentary.
When Sarah Palin took little Trig into her arms and walked back and forth across the convention platform, she won the devotion of people who support life choices (I imagine the ones who value choices and life are predominantly voting O/B. She probably got them mixed up with "mindless biddies that can't handle anything less tame than an Anne Geddes photo or Beverly Hills Chihuahua." It's a common mistake for mindless biddies to make.) and pricked the dark part of the heart of America, the dark part that harbors abortion with all its pain and hatred for all those who desire to see loving nurture replace it.
"Loving nurture" in this context means women being treated like farm animals, women dying, an influx of unwanted people, and increased crime rates. But hey, that is the sacrifice we must make- otherwise you will have to live with THIS on your hands.
The radical feminists who got abortion legalized aren’t even charged the expense of emotional and mental counseling that is needed by many women who know they have made the wrong choice and cannot bear the guilt of taking a life.
I wonder how much counseling these women actually need. I also wonder how much of any emotional distress endured stems directly from psychotic control freaks constantly harassing and patronizing them.
They have been telling other women what they should think, feel, do and be since they got the headlines in the 1960s burning bras
(LOL WHUT?!?)
and chanting their power slogans. They shouted down and tried to intimidate all other voices, and got their way for a while.
The only ones who realized that women are actually autonomous people and fought the hardest for that fact to be recognized, are really bossing around the poor dears. Misogynist white dudes, Stepford wives and other ideological dinosaurs are the ones REALLY looking out for your freedom. War is Peace, doubleplusgood yadda yadda.
They have been indoctrinating women for generations and have lost all objectivity to the point of idiocy. (I’d rather be rescued by a woman (fire person) even if it meant being dragged by my feet because there is more oxygen near the floor, even though my head might be bumping down stairs.)
Karen Clark's idea of feminism- formulated after years of experience with those involved; or gained from an accumulation of throwaway lines from conservative windbags and lame "edgy" stand up comedians? Taking bets now.
I'm voting for the pro-choice platform, you colluder piece of shit.
But Karen Clark cannot wait. Her letter is delicious; the kind of letter that spurred me to start this blog in the first place.
I'm so hyped up about it, I'm going to do a running commentary.
When Sarah Palin took little Trig into her arms and walked back and forth across the convention platform, she won the devotion of people who support life choices (I imagine the ones who value choices and life are predominantly voting O/B. She probably got them mixed up with "mindless biddies that can't handle anything less tame than an Anne Geddes photo or Beverly Hills Chihuahua." It's a common mistake for mindless biddies to make.) and pricked the dark part of the heart of America, the dark part that harbors abortion with all its pain and hatred for all those who desire to see loving nurture replace it.
"Loving nurture" in this context means women being treated like farm animals, women dying, an influx of unwanted people, and increased crime rates. But hey, that is the sacrifice we must make- otherwise you will have to live with THIS on your hands.
The radical feminists who got abortion legalized aren’t even charged the expense of emotional and mental counseling that is needed by many women who know they have made the wrong choice and cannot bear the guilt of taking a life.
I wonder how much counseling these women actually need. I also wonder how much of any emotional distress endured stems directly from psychotic control freaks constantly harassing and patronizing them.
They have been telling other women what they should think, feel, do and be since they got the headlines in the 1960s burning bras
(LOL WHUT?!?)
and chanting their power slogans. They shouted down and tried to intimidate all other voices, and got their way for a while.
The only ones who realized that women are actually autonomous people and fought the hardest for that fact to be recognized, are really bossing around the poor dears. Misogynist white dudes, Stepford wives and other ideological dinosaurs are the ones REALLY looking out for your freedom. War is Peace, doubleplusgood yadda yadda.
They have been indoctrinating women for generations and have lost all objectivity to the point of idiocy. (I’d rather be rescued by a woman (fire person) even if it meant being dragged by my feet because there is more oxygen near the floor, even though my head might be bumping down stairs.)
Karen Clark's idea of feminism- formulated after years of experience with those involved; or gained from an accumulation of throwaway lines from conservative windbags and lame "edgy" stand up comedians? Taking bets now.
Abortion is a monster that keeps on devouring and raking in millions of dollars ($500 dollars per procedure! I do believe that is one metric asston of cash! Especially by medical procedure standards!). It cannot be stopped.
Or can it?
(Nope- but it can be forced out of view into treacherous and unsanitary conditions!)
With the spotlight on unselfish love and devotion,
(Yes, with the spotlight on these unselfish *snrk* loving *snort* Repub- Republic- oh fuck I can't type it with a straight face YOU ARE A FUCKING RIOT)
maybe it can be. And that is what its proponents fear. Hatred and fear always bring bad judgment.
("Oh, before I forget let me remind you that Obama is a TERRORIST! A BLACK TERRORIST! HIS MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")
Two candidates are pro-life. Two are pro-abortion. Will you choose the life platform or the death platform?I'm voting for the pro-choice platform, you colluder piece of shit.
Monday, September 29, 2008
NOTE TO SELF : Never Name a Child "Rita".
I'm ducking in real quick just to share a little something.
Check out this column, written by the Globe staff, regarding Banned Book Week.
Nothing unusual, right? Blah blah blah censorship is bad let's stick it to those prudish dillweeds blah blah blah. Just celebrating one of the few American holidays (holiweeks?) that is totally pure in its intention and loved by everyone, amirite?
I am right. But that's not what I'm blogging about. I'm blogging about the comments.
Can you believe I had never heard even one peep in disapproval of Banned Book Week before? Usually book banning dweebs are all like "We're not in favor of book banning-- except in this ONE CASE" or more often "we're not banning books, it's the (other political side) that's doing it!"
For some reason they usually leave this holiweek alone. Now there's three people (in all seriousness) saying that book banning is GOOD, Banned Book Week is BAAAD.
Goddamn I hate these people.
Check out this column, written by the Globe staff, regarding Banned Book Week.
Nothing unusual, right? Blah blah blah censorship is bad let's stick it to those prudish dillweeds blah blah blah. Just celebrating one of the few American holidays (holiweeks?) that is totally pure in its intention and loved by everyone, amirite?
I am right. But that's not what I'm blogging about. I'm blogging about the comments.
Can you believe I had never heard even one peep in disapproval of Banned Book Week before? Usually book banning dweebs are all like "We're not in favor of book banning-- except in this ONE CASE" or more often "we're not banning books, it's the (other political side) that's doing it!"
For some reason they usually leave this holiweek alone. Now there's three people (in all seriousness) saying that book banning is GOOD, Banned Book Week is BAAAD.
Goddamn I hate these people.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
MARRY ME ANNE KETTENBRINK
No letters today; I just wanted to share my newfound love with you.
Meet Anne Kettenbrink.
I was scoping for letters when I suddenly realized that there are other things to this "newspaper" racket other than funny papers and stupid letters. The headline screamed at me. "Bigfoot and other fake things?" It's a sad state of affairs, but with the media's (especially the Globe- ghost hunters anyone?) track record of peddling and humoring stupid bullshit, I was escatic to finally see a journalist say "You know what? This is stupid bullshit. And you should feel like a stupid, bullshitted person for even considering such a ludicrous notion". It's like finding an oasis in the desert.
And when I read the article, it was like finding not just an oasis, but an oasis full of hot naked people and pinball machines. For there is a goddess, a marvelously bitchy and opinionated diva, and her name is Anne Kettenbrink.
I combed some more articles. She also wrote this infamous column where she called people "morons" for voting the wrong way. She wrote a column asking people if they were too stupid to live. She has a vendetta against some dope who literally moved her cheese- she mentioned it in the previously mentioned column as well. Hell, she even apes Family Guy.
I apparently made a mistake when I assumed that the Globe staff were all a bunch of family newspaper dweebs, their most provocative columns bemusingly recounting their household gender dynamics; dynamics which differ little from your average crap sitcom. "HEY MY HUSBAND NEVER ASKS FOR DIRECTIONS!! AIN'T THAT JUST A KA-RAZY THING MEN DO?!? ALSO, WOMEN SHOP FOR CANDLES AND BASKETS AND HAVE VAGOOOOOS!!!!!"
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Anyway, be on the lookout for that Anne character. Hopefully, she'll show up on this blog again.
Meet Anne Kettenbrink.
I was scoping for letters when I suddenly realized that there are other things to this "newspaper" racket other than funny papers and stupid letters. The headline screamed at me. "Bigfoot and other fake things?" It's a sad state of affairs, but with the media's (especially the Globe- ghost hunters anyone?) track record of peddling and humoring stupid bullshit, I was escatic to finally see a journalist say "You know what? This is stupid bullshit. And you should feel like a stupid, bullshitted person for even considering such a ludicrous notion". It's like finding an oasis in the desert.
And when I read the article, it was like finding not just an oasis, but an oasis full of hot naked people and pinball machines. For there is a goddess, a marvelously bitchy and opinionated diva, and her name is Anne Kettenbrink.
I combed some more articles. She also wrote this infamous column where she called people "morons" for voting the wrong way. She wrote a column asking people if they were too stupid to live. She has a vendetta against some dope who literally moved her cheese- she mentioned it in the previously mentioned column as well. Hell, she even apes Family Guy.
I apparently made a mistake when I assumed that the Globe staff were all a bunch of family newspaper dweebs, their most provocative columns bemusingly recounting their household gender dynamics; dynamics which differ little from your average crap sitcom. "HEY MY HUSBAND NEVER ASKS FOR DIRECTIONS!! AIN'T THAT JUST A KA-RAZY THING MEN DO?!? ALSO, WOMEN SHOP FOR CANDLES AND BASKETS AND HAVE VAGOOOOOS!!!!!"
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Anyway, be on the lookout for that Anne character. Hopefully, she'll show up on this blog again.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Yes, Cindy, Stacy's mom does indeed have it going on.
Yeah, I haven't updated in over two months. Nobody told me that maintaining a blog was haaaaaaaaard.
It wasn't for lack of material. From good ol' Rita to Riley T. to the Douchey Professor (seriously, read his letter, it's one of the douchiest things ever published in the section) to AHHHH VEGGIE PIZZAS!
In the meantime, enjoy this hilarious pearl-clutching column by Cindy Sigler Dagnan. The best part----"I snorted Starbucks up my nose the other day when I caught the gist of a song whose words, I believe, included the phrase, “Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on.” Well. Good for Stacy’s mom. Or is it? "
It wasn't for lack of material. From good ol' Rita to Riley T. to the Douchey Professor (seriously, read his letter, it's one of the douchiest things ever published in the section) to AHHHH VEGGIE PIZZAS!
In the meantime, enjoy this hilarious pearl-clutching column by Cindy Sigler Dagnan. The best part----"I snorted Starbucks up my nose the other day when I caught the gist of a song whose words, I believe, included the phrase, “Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on.” Well. Good for Stacy’s mom. Or is it? "
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