No letters today; I just wanted to share my newfound love with you.
Meet Anne Kettenbrink.
I was scoping for letters when I suddenly realized that there are other things to this "newspaper" racket other than funny papers and stupid letters. The headline screamed at me. "Bigfoot and other fake things?" It's a sad state of affairs, but with the media's (especially the Globe- ghost hunters anyone?) track record of peddling and humoring stupid bullshit, I was escatic to finally see a journalist say "You know what? This is stupid bullshit. And you should feel like a stupid, bullshitted person for even considering such a ludicrous notion". It's like finding an oasis in the desert.
And when I read the article, it was like finding not just an oasis, but an oasis full of hot naked people and pinball machines. For there is a goddess, a marvelously bitchy and opinionated diva, and her name is Anne Kettenbrink.
I combed some more articles. She also wrote this infamous column where she called people "morons" for voting the wrong way. She wrote a column asking people if they were too stupid to live. She has a vendetta against some dope who literally moved her cheese- she mentioned it in the previously mentioned column as well. Hell, she even apes Family Guy.
I apparently made a mistake when I assumed that the Globe staff were all a bunch of family newspaper dweebs, their most provocative columns bemusingly recounting their household gender dynamics; dynamics which differ little from your average crap sitcom. "HEY MY HUSBAND NEVER ASKS FOR DIRECTIONS!! AIN'T THAT JUST A KA-RAZY THING MEN DO?!? ALSO, WOMEN SHOP FOR CANDLES AND BASKETS AND HAVE VAGOOOOOS!!!!!"
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Anyway, be on the lookout for that Anne character. Hopefully, she'll show up on this blog again.