Monday, March 16, 2009

Bad Timing

When I read “House rules aim to silence GOP”, I felt deeply for my fellow countrymen. Imagine--to be rendered silent and impotent by the majority! My heart bleeds!

So in support of my fallen brothers and sisters in the Grand Old Party, I pledged to speak for them this day. Let the Republican voice be heard!

Here it is:

“bwap bwap bwap TAX CUTS bwap bwap bwap SOCIALISM bwap bwap bwap ANYTHING BESIDES WAR AND ABSTINENCE FUNDING IS PORK bwap bwap bwap MUSLIMS AND LIBERALS AND QUEERS OH MY bwap bwap bwap”

You’ve just heard the Republican voice! You can now carry on with your sane policy making.


I realized last night that I started this blog at the worst possible time.

You see, the culture wars are my bread and butter. I probably should have started this blog around 2004-ish, when the opinion pages were buzzing about gay marriage and Ten Commandments plaques and all sorts of crazy stuff.

But nope, I had to wait until the tail-end of the Bush administration, and now that the furor of “OMG BLACK MUSLIM PRESIDENT” is wearing thin, everyone’s talking about economics.

Unfortunately for you, dear readers, I know as much about money as a dog knows about standardized English.

Of course, a dog knows some words; like “walk”, “no”, and “food”. Likewise, I know that corporations aren’t human beings, that it’s kind of stupid to tax people in an inversely proportional way to their wealth, and that the “Going Galt” people are not visionary hard-working assholes, but mere assholes.

On a day like today I can't offer much in the way of commentary besides "Dan Walters wrote this, and this guy's supporting The Douchey Professor, and that's all you need to know." Sorry, folks. The day will come when someone will start writing about Noah’s Ark in Turkey and the wholesome goodness of the Confederate flag again.

When that day comes, I WILL BE THERE.

No comments: