Sunday, January 25, 2009

Do you know what YOUR PRESIDENT did today?!?

Ok, I think we've reached the point where anybody who doesn't have an extreme dislike of GWB probably has to have a man from the county come by to tie their shoes for them every morning, and text alerts every hour to remind them to blink.

That being said, there was one thing about him that I always empathized with: his horrific oratory skills. I mean, I KNOW he was the president and good oration should have been a requirement, but I always felt a twinge of sympathy for him whenever somebody brought up "Is our children learning?" and had a good laugh at his expense.

Because if you think that's bad, you ought to hear ME talk sometime. I make Dubya look like Patrick Henry. Seriously, I sang "Fee Tines a Mady" years before I ever saw that skit on SNL. Touch your tongue on an electric fence and then read a badly translated fortune cookie out loud and you'll get a close approximation of my public speaking skills.

Why am I telling you this? Because today's obnoxiously pedantic letter by Joy O'Toole reminded me of it. Curiously, she DOESN'T mention Bush while listing world leaders with speech problems; I would think she's save ink just by saying, "Bush fans should NOT mock the oratory skills of others. BIYATCH".

MEANWHILE, Dan Walters has a charmingly useless alternative to a smoking ban: cutesy signs! I know whenever I read a patronizing bumper sticker or needlepoint hanging on the wall, the message pierces my cold sinful heart like an icicle.

For example, my grandmother used to have a wooden sign that said "Back Door Guests Are Best." I was shamed, SHAMED! into using the back door. By that I mean, homosexual experimentation. THANKS GRANDMA! But I digress...

Finally, I've noticed that there's a lot of people out there (namely on FOX Network) reluctant to the idea of President Obama, manifested in their reluctance to refer to him as "President Obama". Today's anti-choicer actually did the "do you know what YOUR SON did today?!?" ploy.

Yes, Barack Obama is my president. HE'S YOUR PRESIDENT TOO.


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