CHILDREEEEEN!!!!!

A woman named Zelma Shanks should not complain about tackiness. Seriously, I’ve seen less tacky names used by drag queens.

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Oh Dan Dan Dan Dan DAN. I like this guy more and more every time he writes. It’s like Steve Goebel and Rita Crowell totally porked and had a kid.

I don’t know which part I like best! “Intellectual marijuana?” “Bush‘s reasoned errors?” The fact that he actually uses Dijongate even after every other right winger realized it was too stupid and embarrassing to use?

I know it’s early, but this has to be in next year’s Peggies. Unless he tops himself.

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So James Wheeler says that gays shouldn’t have marriage rights because marriage is important to raising children.

“But wait! Not only is marriage being essential to a healthy child not really true, and not only do many straight couples not have children, but gays can adopt kids as well- so they can get married, right?”

"No!", says Wheeler, "If too many people get married than they’ll be leeches on society! Our culture feels entitled to government perks, when they should be self-reliant! Bootstraps!"

"OK, so if you’re all about self-reliance, then maybe the government should get out of marriage completely? Let that be handled by the churches and the families!"

"No!" says Wheeler, "If that happens, then…children, y’know? Children!!! I HAVE A LOGICAL SECULAR ARGUMENT AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE!!!!!!!"